“Be careful how you are talking to yourself because you are listening.” – Lisa M. Hayes


Wow, that really does make one think more about how we tend to forget to address our own needs at times – we place so much focus on listening to others, being kind to others and taking care of others that it’s all too easy to forget ourselves……

And not just from the viewpoint of neglecting our needs by not addressing them, but also, sometimes more so, being too highly self-critical and allowing a negative mood or mindset to dominate our self-perception when, in fact, the opposite is what is required, i.e. self love.

When we use harsh words towards ourselves, we are causing damage not only to ourselves but to those around us – these words influence how we feel about ourselves, which in turn influences our behaviour to others and that impact on them is keenly felt. Those who love us want us to treat ourselves kindly, especially when we’re feeling a bit down or upset.

One of the surest ways out of the negative self-talk cycle is to change the vocabulary you use about yourself – yes, even when you’ve made a mistake! When you focus on the negative, that’s what you feel – when you focus instead on the positive, that’s what you get – you can always learn from an error – there’s your positive starting point right there!

Mirror work, for example, is a very powerful and proven technique to boost positive self-talk and elevate self-esteem. Short sentence mantras, repeated whilst looking at and listening to yourself have shown to be instrumental in creating positive feedback loops when you are in a place of distress or self-doubt. “I am good enough. I can and will learn from this. I choose to be positive. I will show myself kindness and love today.”

Try that, morning and night, out aloud, hold eye contact with yourself and really listen to how your voice changes over a seven day period. Give yourself that week to lift your perception of yourself and increase your confidence level again. Talking to yourself with appreciation, kindness and love is more empowering than criticism. It’s not narcissism, it’s care.

What situation are you facing at the moment which can be dramatically and positively changed by listening to kind and supportive words of self-encouragement? Will you give yourself permission to speak well of yourself? Listen carefully. Yes, you can!

Love and light,

Jim Sharman



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